Younger Every Year

Based on a series of columns she wrote for the Washington, DC, Gazette, Kramer’s book tells what it is like to shepherd her parents through the illness and incapacitation of their later years, until their deaths.  Her book shows us what the experience was like as she had to take on more and more responsibility, and then face her parents’ dying and the grieving process.

“They watched me be born and I watched them die, and the years in between bound us unbreakably.  In the past four years, my parents and I have completed a fifty-six-year journey, traveling together into their old age—three very ordinary people caught in an extraordinary experience.” (p. 4)

What makes Kramer’s book more than ordinary, is her willingness to face her feelings squarely and to tell us what she is going through in a straightforward manner, without glossing over the pain and mess.  Along the way, we learn a lot about what’s involved in moving a parent into a nursing home, why one might need the services of an elder-care attorney, the intricacies of applying for Medicaid, and how to make life a little bit better for loved ones whose worlds are diminishing.

One of the things I loved about this book is Kramer’s skill at using metaphors to describe her experiences.  She compares family communications, for example, with building:  “Over time, there are hundreds of bricks that need to be placed.  And the mortar that holds each brick in place and strengthens the shelter is a family’s ability to share ideas and feelings, to listen to each other with respect and openness . . . . Our goal is to design a shelter in which we all feel comfortable, safe, and cared for.  Like Californians, we are building along fault lines that are buried, that we cannot always see.  We can only hope that we are placing each brick in a way that can withstand the shifting of the invisible plates on which we are living together.” (p. 35, 36)

All in all, I found Kramer’s book both moving and insightful.  Although I have already past this point with my own parents, and Kramer’s story differed a great deal from mine, I found it a comfort to share the journey with her. (Source: Caregiving, Aging & Alzheimer’s)

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